I want to CRY!!!!

I want to sit down and cry right now..  My job is shaky again and I wish there was more work out there. I will not work fast food again. I am sorry but that is not my forte.. I think  We are behind again on everything and I just want to cry..  I am sick of being behind in things and life.  I want something better for my girls. I would love to hand the keys back to the mortgage company right now and give into his 401K and go get a cheesy 3 bedroom trailer and live in a trailer park for the time being..   I feel  I have failed my family. I am sick of working 3rd shift and being alone when he goes to bed when I have slept all day long.. Sure I like my time alone but I also miss my family. I feel I am not getting enough of my family..

I do have some positive things to post about though. Sunday after the girls came home we took them to  a Pow Wow. It was there first.. It was cool..  Lots of different colored outfits.  It was awesome..

I have photos from Saturday on our way home but I already added these so I will make those another post sometime..  We found a beautiful county park.. I also have some music I video taped on Sunday for this post though. they are only a few minutes each though. but boy is it interesting.. I have told you all bout Jeffs sores on his arms and legs?? Well anyway we say this aromatherapy lady and she started to suggest something and then she said wait a second and consulted her pendalem..The pendalem stopped above the pure shea butter cream she has..  Besides sun and/or sunbooths this stuff has done more for his sores than any store bought creams I have seen.  A little more expensive since its hand made but if it works I will try anything to make him more comfortable..

Beautiful Day to be out and about at the Oneida Pow Wow

Pow Wow just starting up..

Getting into position to dance and show beautiful outfits off.

one of the two bands they had playing music.  Not sure which one this is..

the other band I believe.. Jeff took this photo so I am not sure.  he got two close ups of the bands.

love those feathers and his head piece..

wild life santuary and this is the closest I have ever been to the otter. he was on his tummy and I reached out to look like I was tickling him and he just sat there for a moment looking at me.. It was so cute..

frog looked like he was  posing for me I couldnt resist his photo here..  also taken at the wild life sanctuary

this little guy is never active. he was running around when we got there and then he climbed into his wheel and fell asleep. Isnt he adorable..

this is my other plant I have out front.. Its called Praying  hands.. when it gets bigger it looks like hands reaching to the skies

this is the last one I have out front.. Its a bluish green color if you really look at it. I cant remember what it was called exactly.

I have another vid but my camera wont let me load it right now.. We had some big storms and I was took some vid of the lightening and it wont le me load it.. POUTING..  Oh well it happens.. Well hopefully tomorrow or Thursday I will have the dang thing up and running. It might be because my camera needs charging again too..   Anyway hope you all had a great 4th of July. I had to work it last night.. It sucked but that is how it went down for me. they wouldnt give us last night off but gave us Sunday off insead.. they didnt seem to care that some of us wanted to spend the whole day including the fire works with our families. Anyway Jeff took the girls down town for the fireworks and dropped me off at work. And he had to pick me up at 6AM!!! LOL. Gotta love my hubby.

Anyway I am off to do something around the house..

this vid takes a few minutes to get going. its kind of cool if you like storms.. we had a good one tonight and this is some of the lightening i saw over head. and the thunder was just awesome to hear also..