being told one thing but feeling another....

Hi. everyone.  Another one of those nights..  I cant post any of this on face book but I can here. I can vent here.  No one but a few of you know who I am.  I miss quite a few of you from here. I don't blog as often as I should anymore. but anyway.

Starting last night a girl that I work with is leaving on maternity leave tomorrow.  she left the fitting room a mess.  She was called out on it from another associate and the support manager was told to his face that this associate is always doing stuff. Well just say that support manager was not happy with this associate.   I feel like I was in the middle of this fight.  I did not want to be.  But I was standing there and kind of supporting associate in what was being said.

Well we got talked to tonight about how our areas should look and we should go above and beyond the expectations of our support.  Well I am opinionated and I have learned to talk when maybe not so good of a time to talk.  I mentioned after an
 assistant manager asked me to do something that the job was made a bit harder the way things are set up.  I told I could do the job but it makes it a bit harder.

I hate fighting for one thing.  I don't like being yelled at ever.  This assistant didn't yell but he sternly told me that I just needed to do my job.  Well I walked away but when I came back to finish my job I was in tears.  Our support asked where I thought that conversation was going.  I tried saying some thing but what was on my mind didn't make it out of my mouth.. or not the way I wanted it.

In between all this our support went and talked to the assistant for me.  the assistant said he wasn't angry at me.  just a miscommunication.  a big one too.  I am weepy lately. Holidays are coming up to fast and they are hard on me..

So that didn't help one bit tonight either esp feeling like a piece of shit.  But anyway  I was told I was appreciated and the work I did tonight went above and beyond our supports expectations. but I still felt crappy for trying to talk to the assistant.  its been several hours since that conversation and I still feel like I am under appreciated even with reassurances that I am doing well and I work hard.

I sometimes feel like I am the only one that does work.  I do my job and then I do breaks for the jewelry and fitting room.  This last Monday I ran both.  both ladies that work those departments called in and I had both sets of keys.  last night was just running an hour behind in getting things done. that does not help the mood one bit.  I sometimes wish I could go back to working part time and making money on the side.  I miss crocheting and getting things done around the house.  I feel like I don't do enough around here either since I work 40 hours a week.

I am babbling at this point of the post.  I better get to bed. Good night all and have wonderful dreams. I start my day back off at 2 P M -11 PM tomorrow.  Lets hope its a better night tomorrow.

spoiled as fudge puckers get....LOL...

HI.!!!! I am so spoiled even 22 years down the road.  Let me start by explaining what happened. Jeff has really psoriasis.  So two years ago he finally got me a set of wedding rings for our 20th anniversary.  I was doing well with them.. I would take them off at night where I wouldn't scratch his sores.... but about a month or so ago I had taken them off and put them on the edge of the table.. one of my recycling bags was under that corner.  Yes you guessed it...…  They got pushed in and I never looked to see what was pushed into the bag. bag got brought out and poof no more rings. I have felt naked with out them lately.

So the last few weeks I have been watching this really pretty set with a mans ring with the engagement and wedding ring at work. making sure it was still there. Well tonight I begged kind of hard... Not real hard actually.. Jeff cant wear the metal but I can  put it on a chain for him or I can just keep it on my chain  with my other few trinkets I have.  So its gonna take some time for it to come back but I can wait patiently... Maybe...LOL.. I am not a patient person....

We went to Spooner WI this last weekend. Bri go to see a friend she met at camp.  Kora got to go on a train ride that wasn't worth its price..  but we dealt with it.. I spent 150 dollars on books and some stuff for the girls. pencils for drawing for them.. then books for jeff and  I.. then we got a couple of puzzles.  Yes we still like our puzzles.. We don't have room for the 6000 pieces anymore.

I still crochet actively.  Always trying to sell my stuff yet. thinking about setting up another Etsy account. Anyway I suppose to better get to bed. There is more but I am to tired to think about it right now.

confused... life is a bitch sometimes..

Morning to all some where in the world.  I have been interrupted in life with some news I don't know how to deal with I guess.. Jeff says I am letting it get to me. Maybe I am but I need to vent and of course cant say what I want on facebook.. I love my dad. I miss my mom terribly. I love my little family I have been blessed with.

Anyway my dads girlfriend posts on my daughters fb page to have me call dad. I think the worst of course. Naww dad is fine.  He's healthy and still working.   But when he was 22 years old he dated this woman and you guessed it.. She got pregnant and he didn't know the baby existed. He found out two to three weeks ago.  She is now 51 years old. My dad is 73 or74.. I have lost track...

I  am feeling jealous slightly.  I am afraid hes going to see that he has biological children and doesn't want me around anymore. He adopted me from my dad when I was three.  I  have been daddies little girl for 42 years now.  I know he has two other children but I have known about them all my life. They don't threaten me in or make me feel insecure like this new person does.

What oh what to do. Dad wants us to go home to MN for x-mas. Waiting for Jeff and I to be able to request days off. Walmart the store manager can clear those days off for me but not my direct assistant. I want to meet this new person but also very nervous.  I have talked to her on facebook messenger. she seems nice enough.

anyway midnight ramblings again. Jeff and I are taking the girls to shell Lake WI this coming weekend.  We get to go on  a train ride to see all the fall colors. I cant wait. Then we are planning on going to the beach to watch the  sun set. Wish I could get my new camera by then but we don't have 300 dollars...LOL...Yes I said three hundred dollars for a camera...  Its an amazing camera. Jeff says I can have it for xmas.

OH my oh my Bri went to her first home coming dance this last Saturday. she looked beautiful. I do not have the pix uploaded to my computer yet.  I only got a couple pix. But that is enough.  She is just like her mama though.. but I don't like makeup and she does.

I guess I need to get to bed. I have to stay up for a bit tomorrow and take bri to school. she only has s one class now since she dropped her all girls choir class.  she felt she wasn't fitting in.  kind of disappointed but I guess I can see where she is coming from. anyway night to my friends who still read. Miss you all...

just midnight ramblings

HI everyone. Its me again.  Not sure whose reading these ramblings anymore. But  I have been thinking.  Maybe too much.  I love my job at Wal-mart for the most part. I have considered trying to move up the food chain. But I look at what I do and ask myself if I could do it. I question everything I do. I don't get along with one of the department managers.  I have to suffer through the two o clock zone with her.  I wanted to talk to her today. but I was busy and just didn't get around to talking and telling her how I felt.

I just feel like I am not good enough at my job some days. Like tonight I got done with my area and was asked to go help in another. I got that area done too before the person doing the area could.  I am not that good. I just move. I love to talk to people and my co workers but I also know when its time to work.

Its also like I have been thinking about setting up another etsy account.  I still try and sell my stuff but I question my abilities there too.  I feel like I failed the first time.  not sure if it was that I wasn't charging enough or charging to much for my stuff.

Bri has went back to school part time if I haven't mentioned this.  We still home school. But Bri wanted to see what school was like so she went for two classes at the local high school.  She is in 9th grade this year and Kora is considered a senior already.  Pretty wow huh?? lol …

I am feeling alone lately.  My dad is busy with his girlfriend he met after my mom passed on. They have been here a few times since but he doesn't call or leave messages..  I miss him dearly.  Life has taken a twist on me.  I am not sure how I like this feeling of being alone. I have my immediate family. I still have the girls and Jeff but its hard knowing my parents aren't here really.  Mom isn't here but I still talk to her. Dad is busy at 73 with his gf.  He has even went back to work part time because he's bored at home.

I suppose I better get to bed.  Thanks for reading even if no one comments anymore.  I miss all my blogging buddies.  I just don't like blogging when Jeff and the girls are up.  This is my time to blab and just be me for a few minutes.  Hope everyone is well.

Dear Mom and Friends

Dear Mom and friends,
I haven't been blogging much since Facebook came along.  I feel like a horrible friend sometimes. I come on when I cant post things about work on Facebook. this is my hidy hole from that world. I have lots to say tonight before I go to bed.

We still home school the girls.  Kora is going to be 18 in January and studying for her GED test.  We couldn't be more proud of  this young lady.  Sh;e still rides her horses and takes her weekly lessons for that. she is thinking about her first horse show in a few short weeks. If not then in a few months when we have a bit more money to get ready and more time.  She can cook some things She freaks out when making bacon. Doesn't like how it splatters.. LOL  Life challenges for things in life.  Small things will come to her. I hope anyway.

Brianna is going to school part time this year.  She has chosen to take art fundamentals and an all girl choir class. If they earn enough money by March they get to go to NY for a concert. I am so proud of this one too. She sings like and angel and can draw like I cant even make a comparison really.. She has some raw talent that is there.  I cant make a stick figure look good and she just looks at something and can replicate it.

Jeff works for a place that builds portable x ray machines for the military.  Its kind a cool really. I have seen one they were working on a few months ago.  He has even designed a few of his own ideas. He thinks hes stupid and could have done better in life. I don't think the world was ready for him.  Or he the world.

I am working at Wal-Mart yet.  I have been there almost 3 1/2 years now.  I listen to people talk all day long. I make no non sense conversation with people  I don't know for eight hours a day. I fold clothes and clean up after people who don't seem to care how the store looks.  I was told about a year a go that I would make either a good support manager or a good Department manager.  I don't believe any of that any more. I will be stuck with what I have and what ever I decide to do with what I have.

We live in a mobile home and have for five years now.  We are behind on our mortgage by almost for months again.  We struggle every year in September I don't know why. Does anyone else have a month or two in the year that seems the hardest to get ahead?

bris 14th bday pix from June 9th 2018. how we all have changed.

she hates her pix taken but a friend took a profresional looking pix of her anyway.

kora and one of her riding lessons and her friend 

Back at it I think.....

HI every one. Its been along time. I have finally gotten my own computer where I can blog again.. I have so much to say but not sure if any of my friends still blog since facebook came along. I know I got side tracked with that myself. 

First off how is everyone that is reading this.  I miss all my friends I have met here. Life is a whirl wind around here. Kora is still taking lessons for horse back riding. Bris active in her church  life.  I am working full time. Not in my degree. But Jeff is doing great and works in his degree. So at least one of us didn't waste our education.  

Kora is going to take her GED this year.. She will be 18 in January.  Bri just turned 14 in June.  Where has time went.  My babies are growing up way too fast. We have went on two family vacations in the last two years.  

Last year we went to South Dakota. Have many pics but not sure with the new  laptop on how to get then on here.  Then this year we went to Minaqua WI.   Beautiful place. Not sure if I will go back there. But nice for a once seen  vacation. 

Its been four years since mom passed away in may.  I miss her dearly .  Life just seems so lonely lately.  I know I have my friends but its not like just calling mom up and babbling.  Then I work at Wal-mart.  We have these two girls that don't do a dang thing. ones pregnant and feels like she is above all work codes.  I have told her shes pregnant not broken.  Tonight was the worst of it.  She told me and another co worker that she doesn't need to help with anything when shes in the fitting room.  I went to our direct assistant manager with this information. 

I think I pissed her off but I don't care anymore. I am old enough to be her mother.. Just a young pup..  She between 20-24.  Not sure.. she wont admit how old she is.  I promise later today I will see about adding some pics and up dated photo's of the girls on here.  They have grown so much since the last time I added photos.

where has three years went

I just realized i havent posted anything in three years.  holy rumbles... I havent been doing much lately with life. I am still crocheting but not much social stuff.  I work full time at Wal mart. My days off are spent with the girls. They are now 13 and 17.  Kora is studying for her GED.  Bri is in 8th grade this year. Still home schooling them.  Jeff is with a great company.  He works for a company that  makes hand held x ray machines.  I have seen the product kinda. Really cool. 

I havent been told by the girls that either one of them hate me directly  yet but still waiting on that phase  of life.  Kora has told  us she doesnt want to finish growing up. So to me that is close enough to be told  I am hated...LOL..I have pix of the girls but nothing on the computer yet.  I  have them all on my phone yet. I am lazy when  it comes to transferring them. 

My mom will be gone 4 years May 3rd already too. I  cant believe life has taken us this far.  I miss blogging but I always forget to come visit. I hope some of my friends see this at least. I kind of dropped off the face of the earth for a while. I dont have to leave for work for about half hour so I thought I would let everyone know I am still around some where..

I will be back late this week with updated photos of everyone. I promise.  Its just hard for me to remember everything. Talk at you all later.  Nicole...